Online Dating: The Introductory Email – Making Your Best First Impression
Wow! You’ve scanned the list of dating ads and one captivating individual has caught your attention. Their attached photo makes your pupils dilate; the profile makes you smile. You dream on and think “this person seems wonderful!” But, this is your first foray into the online dating scene and now you must venture out electronically and make that first move. Your smile changes, your confidence goes AWOL, and you think “OMG!” (virtual shorthand for Oh My Gosh!), “now what do I do?” The good news is that responding to this person online is easy, light-hearted, and fun. Keeping these thoughts in mind will help you create a positive, first, online dating impression.
When dating online, the rules for meeting virtually are the same as those for meeting publicly and basic dating etiquette applies. The difference with online communication is that your body language, vocal inflection, and coy innuendo are all revealed by the written word. If you are not a skilled writer, this task may seem overwhelming, but if you apply some of the following suggestions your efforts will bring you success.
Indicate Genuine Interest
Nothing is more provocative and flattering than genuine interest and being complimentary. When drafting your email consider the following: what attracted you to this person, what stood out in their profile that caught your attention, why would you like to get to know him or her? Be complimentary and write briefly and creatively about these things in your email. It is perfectly ok to research the interests and hobbies mentioned in a personal profile so that you can respond knowledgeably. In some respects, taking the time to learn something about your date is no different than researching a company for a job interview.
Ask Open-ended Questions
One of the reasons that we communicate with another person is to learn something about that person. Asking open-ended questions keeps the conversation going. For example, if you ask someone “did you like the movie?” he or she can say “yes” or “no” and you are done with that line of conversation. If you ask someone “you said in your profile that you enjoy camping. What is it about camping that you like?” Asking this kind of question will get you an answer that will help you to better understand this person and it opens the door for further conversation. Asking open-ended questions is great way to flirt online and it allows you to establish common ground.
Be Honest
Nothing will get you into more trouble than lying, to yourself and to others, either online or in person. Know what you want upfront so that you don’t have regrets further down the line. Understand that if you are looking for a long-term, committed relationship and you have chosen to date someone who is not, that you will more than likely have conflict as you explore the relationship further. Don’t play word games. Bantering with words in this manner creates an image of shallowness and undermines your credibility and attractiveness.
Be Positive
Another big turn-off is whining. Put a positive spin on things, even if they are things that you do not like. Avoid talking negatively about past situations and relationships. Being negative raises all sorts of red flags and ensures that you will not hear back from the target of your attention. Being positive will always increase your attractiveness.
Avoid Sexual Innuendo
This topic is best left for you and your date to explore further down the road. Remember that you are trying to introduce yourself and that you do not want to scare your intended away. Certain things are best left to the imagination and this is one of them. It is okay to be playful, but if asked, you do not have to lay down all of your cards at once. If you are pressed too much for sexual information, you might want to reconsider dating this person.
Practice Good, Old-fashioned Manners
Remember that no one likes a boor. Emily Post is as relevant today as she has ever been and good old-fashioned manners, being polite, and erring on the side of formality, go a long way when greasing the social slide to further communication. If someone responds to your online profile and you are not interested, be nice, be polite, and always send a response. Your response can be as simple as: “Thank you for responding to my ad. I appreciate your interest, but I think that we are too different. Good luck in your dating search.” If you approach online dating in this fashion, you will always look and feel classy.
Don’t Go On and On…
Too short of an email message and too long of an email message are both subject to question. Keep your message medium in length. Touch on the topics that are of interest to you and draw the other person out. Give them a chance to respond. You don’t tell all in real life and you do not have to tell all online.
Proof-read and Spell-check
Just as you would not run out of the house with grubby jeans, messy hair, and a dirty face for an important event, you would not want to be any less cavalier in your email message. You never get a second chance to make a first impression in real life, or, when you are dating online. Proof-read, proof-read, proof-read, and spell-check, spell-check, spell-check. If you are uncomfortable with your skill level, do not enter the email address of the recipient until you are ready to send your message. If you do this, you will not accidentally send your message until you have had a chance to check your message for mistakes. If you are sending a message through the Let’s Grab a Drink! site proof read it carefully as there is no spell check feature. If you are using your personal email service to communicate, most email clients have a spell-check feature. Make sure that you have this feature turned on. The single caveat with this feature is that spell-check cannot differentiate between a misspelled word and incorrect usage. “Their” and “there” are correctly spelled, but they might not be correctly used.
And Finally…..
Be realistic and keep perspective. When dating online, understand that you are trying to get a virtual glimpse of someone. Relax and take some time to get to know the other person. Use the online dating service technology as a tool and remember that dating is a numbers game. Don’t give in to defeat if someone does not get back to you. Remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Your soul mate is out there, and with practice and perseverance, you will find that special someone. The benefit of online dating is that it increases your odds.